


Penny For Your Thoughts?

by EmerialynCodeVenice



Series: Djinn Dirk AU [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dirk Helping Without Even Knowing It, Djinn Dirk Oneshots, Doubt and Fluff, Jake Thinks About Everything, Jake's POV, M/M, Month After Rescue from Cavern of Hearts, Repressed attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 07:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13336350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmerialynCodeVenice/pseuds/EmerialynCodeVenice
Summary: It’s been about a month since Jake rescued Dirk from the Cavern of Hearts. And while we’ve seen a lot of how Dirk feels, it’s Jake’s turn to discuss how he’s taking it all.AKA: Jake is happy to have found Dirk, but sometimes it’s a lot.





	Penny For Your Thoughts?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [2plover](https://archiveofourown.org/users/2plover/gifts).



> Hello! Some have been asking for Jake’s POV of things, and here we go! I have finally delivered! I also dedicate this to 2plover who first gave me the idea of having Jake think about this entire situation with Dirk but be unsure whether he can handle it. 
> 
> I haven’t mentioned it much, but Jake is an 18-year-old who lost his grandmother two years ago before leaving his younger cousin Jade at the Egbert Family Home before going off to travel. As we know, Jake isn’t the best with people or thinking about others in the first place, but this one is particularly delved on the escapism path due to his life. It’s understandable. He’s rather young and still figuring it out and it’s rather overwhelming to suddenly be in charge of a life that entirely depends on him. He loves Dirk, does dearly, but at the same time… it’s a lot (as will be described down here). 
> 
> Anyway, thank you 2plover for giving me this inspiration! Wouldn’t have written it without the conversation we had and the help you provided on Jake’s personality and mentality! This is set a few days after ‘I’d Pay Anything To Breathe’/Dirk’s failed first visit to town. In total, about a month!
> 
> Disclaimer: Do Not Own Photograph
> 
> Note: There was some sort of weird issue while posting. Sorry if it inconvenienced anyone.

                                                                         

Sometimes… sometimes Jake wondered what the hell he was doing.

When, at times like this, where he was lying in bed— _Dirk sleeping soundlessly beside him—_ with closed his eyes, he would consider all that happened. And, when he really thought about it, Jake wondered how everything had come to this.

Certainly, when he left home at 16— _when he left **Jade**  at the Egbert home and never looked back—_after his grandmother’s death— _it had been too much, to imagine a ‘normal life’ and feeling like the adventure, the excitement, was gone now that she was gone—_ to travel the world— _and travel he did, kept moving and busy enough that he was able to pretend everything else didn’t exist and get lost in it—_ he hadn’t expected  _this_.

 _This_ meaning  _Dirk._

He remembers it, coming across information about the Cavern of Hearts in his grandmother’s journal. It was one of the places that she had always planned to visit but never seemed to get around to it. The fact that it was a legend and the majority of other adventurers considered it fake didn’t deter Jake in the least.

He had been so excited, the thought of visiting a place that even his grandmother hadn’t and others thought to be a myth… it felt, for the first time, that Jake was finally making his grandmother proud. That, if he could do something that she hadn’t been able to, that it would feel like she wasn’t really gone.

Facing the trials of the Cavern of Hearts, they certainly hadn’t been a walk in the park. But with his grandmother’s extensive notes and Jake’s own quick reactions and skills, it had been a thrill to make it through the dangerous site. To test himself and feel like her spirit was right there next to him, guiding him along and proud…

He’s not sure what he expected at the end of it all. Sure, the legend said that it would  _Give You Whatever Your Heart Desires_ , but he highly doubted it could bring back the dead— _even though he fully believed in magic, he was rather certain it couldn’t do that—_ so he hadn’t been too concerned with it, enjoying it more for the adventure it brought than anything else. He supposed that he might find some ancient traps, inscriptions on the walls, and maybe some old pots if he was lucky…

He certainly hadn’t expected to find  _Dirk_.

And that was the thing, wasn’t it?

For someone who supposedly enjoyed the unknown and surprises, he hadn’t known how to react to the surprise that was  _Dirk_. Not only was he a somehow living  _ancient spirit_ , he was an  _extremely attractive one_.

Now, Jake fancied himself a gentleman, one who appreciated ladies to the fullest, but he couldn’t deny his reaction to Dirk. It wasn’t just that he was scantily clothed— _in fact, many of his blue ladies wore far less clothing—_ upon their first meeting, it was that there was just  _something_  about him that drew Jake in.  _Fascinated_  him.

He supposed, with later reflection, that his nickname for Dirk was rather accurate. For, when finding Dirk, it  _truly_  felt like finding something precious and beyond all words. Something  _worth_  adventuring for.

In that red vest and billowy orange pants— _looking quite like that one fanciful blue genie from that one movie that he had watched numerous times with Jade and their grandmother; listening intently as Grandma Harley interwove her own fantastic tales with the movie—_ and simple sandals, Jake had never seen someone more stunning. Skin pale as if he’d never seen sunlight and gorgeous orange eyes that seemed so…  _empty_ …

It was then that the admiration of beauty, while not dimmed, was replaced with another strange emotion— _yearning._ Jake had yearned for many things— _generally adventure and freedom from a mundane life—_ but he had never felt quite like this before. Especially since the yearning was the desire to  _remove_  that emotion from the spirit’s eyes. Or, rather, to  _put_  emotion into them. To make them  _alive_  and  _shine!_

It had been powerful, more powerful than Jake had ever felt towards another person, and prompted him to delay the ‘inevitable’ choosing of a treasure— _not that Jake didn’t appreciate the shiny thingamabobs, it was just that their keeper was far more interesting—_ and try to converse with the spirit.

To his surprise— _or, rather, he wasn’t sure what he expected—_ the spirit had a  _personality_. It was buried deep and covered in endless layers of sadness, but it was a  _strong_  one. It fascinated him, up until the spirit had revealed that he had been imprisoned there for  _thousands of years_.

Jake couldn’t fathom such an amount of time, didn’t think that  _anyone_  currently alive could. Yet, this spirit, this  _Dirk_ , could.  _Had_  to as he had suffered for so long. From then on, Jake had been angry. Angry at whoever had trapped this precious creature— _this **person** —_down here. Strangely enough, it reminded him of himself, of being trapped indoors for so long after his grandmother’s funeral and wishing to just  _get up_  and  _leave—_

But this wasn’t about him, it was about  _Dirk_. If prompted, Jake would admit that it hadn’t taken long for him to come up with the bright idea to have  _Dirk_  be his ‘treasure’ to take from this wretched place. After all, if this so-called Cavern of Hearts truly wanted to give him his ‘ _heart’s desire,’_ then he very well desired, more than any other object in this place, for Dirk to be freed and come with him!

It might have been a bit reckless, and he certainly hadn’t intended to make Dirk cry, but he didn’t regret it for a moment. If anything, he had only felt worse when he saw Dirk’s disbelief, his insistence that the wretched place was his prison, and that he didn’t  _deserve_  freedom. Jake couldn’t understand it, and frankly didn’t want to understand such a ridiculous thing if it meant that Dirk would just stay here forever.

He also hadn’t expected when, after Dirk had finally agreed— _and how Jake’s heart jumped and his spirit lit up in a way that he had never known when he did—_ the place to start  _falling apart._ Upon later inspection, he supposed that it really was meant to be a prison— _after all, what point was a prison if the prisoner had been declared free?—_ and that it wasn’t that strange for it to crumble, but at the time he had been far more insistent on getting them out.

When Dirk had fallen, Jake nearly died of a heart attack right then and there. He had never felt such fear in such a way. It was different from the fear of his first life and death experience on an adventure. It was different from the fear he felt when he learned that his grandmother was dying and he could do nothing about it. It was different from the fear that happened after her death as he wondered what he would do in life.  _This fear_ … it was like, the moment that Dirk had fallen, his  _future_ — _everything good and bright—_ had instantly become darker somehow.

After all, what did  _Jake_  know about this place? Perhaps, with the collapse of the Cavern of Hearts, the magic keeping Dirk alive would disappear too. Perhaps he had actually  _killed_  the thing that he had intended to keep alive. Perhaps he was truly the most reckless, self-centered, oblivious fool to live as others sometimes warned him that he could become…

Still, he had refused to leave Dirk behind and carried him out. No matter what happened, he wouldn’t leave Dirk behind in that place. He refused to think about what would happen next.

He had been so relieved— _and exhausted in a way he’d never experienced; so many new feelings to be had—_ when Dirk awoke, even as his heart continued to race a hundred meters an hour. But, seeing Dirk’s reaction to the outside world and the sunrise… it had been worth more than Jake could ever pay.

Jake had invited Dirk along because, really, he was Jake’s responsibility— _something that made him giddy and kind of… sick at the same time—_ and, as a gentleman, he would never leave someone in need. Of course, that wasn’t… the entire reason, if Jake was being honest.

The… reactions he had to Dirk. He would… admit, after some persuasion, that they were sometimes less than… innocent. To be frank, he found Dirk’s every word to be alluring beyond words and every movement to be seductive in a way that wasn’t the least bit fair. He felt like a preteen all over again— _though, to be fair, he was a healthy eighteen-year-old—_ with his blushing and embarrassment.

Luckily, Dirk never noticed. Jake found himself grateful for that world-oblivious nature at such times. Truly, Jake had no right to be expecting  _anything_ from Dirk, nonetheless things of a… of a romance-oriented nature. Honestly, Jake felt quite ashamed of himself whenever he thought about it. Dirk was quite like an infant, and anything he did that… attracted Jake’s attention… was to be considered as pure as newly fallen snow.

Though, it was rather difficult when they had started sleeping together— _not like that, get your mind from the gutter—_ after Jake discovered Dirk’s insomnia. It was then that he truly realized what a task he had made for himself, in saving Dirk. Not that he regretted it, not one bit, but he wondered, sometimes, if he was the least bit equipped to handle a thousands-year-old spirit without memories that was oblivious to the world but with some rather potent traumas and misunderstandings.

Moments like that sufficiently distracted Jake’s attraction, opening a part of him that he recalled only opening to his closest friends and family. Perhaps even sides that even  _they_  hadn’t seen. He certainly wasn’t as cautious and careful with Jade— _though, if he tried to be, she’s surely put a wallop on him._ Regardless, holding Dirk— _whom he realized to be quite touch-sensitive and yet starved at the same time; Jake had to remind him countless times that those were why Dirk reacted the way he did at his touch and not other reasons—_ filled him with a comfort that he never knew. Honestly, he wondered if he was doing all that much for Dirk, but the other seemed to get better after they started doing that and Jake tried to be more attentive.

When they finally got to the lodge, Jake had thought that it would be much easier. It had been adorable beyond belief to see Dirk’s reaction to the place— _as well as terrifying as the bloke had a tendency to trip with Jake barely able to catch him at times—_ but it had also added to that… unsettled feeling inside of him. The fear that he wasn’t enough to nurture Dirk’s understandings or care for his various traumas. He tried, he truly did, but, as the first time in town proved with Dirk’s panic attack, he still had a ways to go…

It was times like that that he worried the most, worried about what he had dragged himself into. And, during such times, he felt like such a cad, a horrible excuse for a man that had no business caring for someone as wonderful and amazing as Dirk. Honestly, Dirk asked for so little so Jake had no reason to complain.

But, still, having to make sure Dirk fell asleep most nights because Jake was worried about his insomnia and having to stay at the lodge longer because he was afraid of how Dirk would react to people… it was stressful, at times. Times like this when he lied in bed and, while Dirk was right there beside him, he wasn’t awake and able to soothe Jake’s silly— _suffocating, stifling, strangling, smothering—_ worries.

And, that there, was what worried Jake  _most_  of all.

Did Dirk really want to stay with him? Disregard the fact that he had  _no choice_  and  _no one else in the world_ , did he  _like_  being near Jake? Did he  _forgive_  Jake for his many mistakes and inadequacies? Or did he just accept them because he honestly didn’t know any better? The man was used to being an imprisoned slave, for Pete’s sake. His threshold for what was acceptable was far different from what satisfactory, so it was unlikely that he really knew how terrible Jake was doing at all of this.

He was sure that the Egbert family— _particularly Mr. Egbert who somehow managed two pranksters and Jade—_ would do far better at him. Perhaps he should take Dirk to them? But, blast it, it wouldn’t work. Dirk wasn’t comfortable near  _people_ nonetheless being crammed onto a flying death trap of crying infants and complaining airplane passengers… no, no, it would simply not work. They were rather confined to travel on foot for the time being, leaving Jake alone with this responsibility— _as should be, but…_

But… those thoughts brought yet  _another_  set of worries. Because, what if, once they had traveled around long enough, Dirk wanted to… settle down? Jake loved to travel, loved it dearly, but he  _needed_  Dirk in a way that confounded him. Yet, already, his skin was starting to itch from staying at the lodge for “so long” already. Not that it was Dirk’s fault, of course not, but the fact remained that Jake was already hoping to get out on the road again.

What if, one day, Dirk got tired of it? Or, maybe, it would be too much for him the moment they stepped out the Dirk and he refused to go any further? Could Jake do it? Could Jake handle it if that happened?

He sighed, turning on the bed without opening his eyes.

Sometimes he wondered if that instinct was a cop-out, if he was trying to imagine Dirk away from him as if the spirit’s need of him was some sort of  _burden_. But the horrible truth of the matter was that he also  _loved_ it.  _Loved_  that Dirk needed him and  _wanted_  him and looked to him for all things… it made a bloke feel really appreciated;  _important_. Like a  _hero_ …

Jake sighed, opening his eyes and staring at the wooden ceiling of the lodge. He blinked the crud from his eyes before turning over to look at Dirk. He was instantly calmed by the soft rise and fall of Dirk’s chest, a small smile forming on his lips as the spirit seemed to instinctively huddle closer to Jake.

A tired grin formed on Jake’s lips and he wryly wondered what his friends and family back home would think if they saw him now. Why, they would probably not recognize him. The Jake of old certainly didn’t take other’s wellbeing into his plans— _not that anyone needed him back home, not the way Dirk so obviously did—_ nor did he sit up at night thinking about it. He felt… older, somehow. It was scary— _feeling old at eighteen, how preposterous—_ and it was one fear out of many that kept him up, he supposed.

Suddenly, the sheets twisted beneath Jake and he recognized their movement to be someone shifting. He glanced up, unsurprised to see Dirk’s face stirring— _oh great, look at what you did now, English. Woke him up—_ before being graced with those gorgeous orange eyes. He wondered what gemstone they resembled— _Jake was both amused and saddened by Dirk’s proclivity for relating things to various jewels and treasures—_ and decided that they should be in a class of their own. After all, there was nothing quite like Dirk in this world.

_A true one of a kind treasure._

Dirk’s tiredly blinked before seeming to realize that Jake was staring at him. “…why… you up?” he murmured sleepily, making Jake’s heart  _squeeze_  in such a pleasant way.  _Confound all these baffling but wonderful feelings… he’d never get a hold of them._

“It’s nothing, Treasure,” said Jake softly, moving closer— _it was fine, Dirk was comforted by his touch, nothing promiscuous here!—_ before placing one hand on the arm that Dirk had between them. “Go back to sleep.”

And, Dirk did.

He stared at Jake for a moment before closing his eyes, moving even closer and tangling his fingers with Jake’s— _he seemed to love holding hands, Jake loved it too—_ before drifting back to sleep.

Before, he had such trouble, even with Jake’s help, falling asleep. But, now, a simple word was enough… it was awe-worthy, how much trust and power he gave Jake and it made Jake’s heart threaten to burst all the more.

And, suddenly, Jake found himself not caring anymore about all those fickle thoughts and feelings. Honestly, the entire thing was such a tricky mess of emotions hat Jake didn’t know what he felt, but he was never one to let ‘ _what if’s’_ ruin his ability to enjoy life.

And… he knew that no matter the troubles or concerns, as long as Dirk looked at him like that… it was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> There we go! Jake’s POV on all current events, roughly summarized. I hope you enjoyed that and, if you have any Jake-oriented ideas or ANY thoughts at all, I’d love to hear them so please leave a Kudos and Comment below! 
> 
> Again, this entire thing came from a Comment by 2plover so that proves that I read them and think about them thoroughly! Thanks so much!


End file.
